The truth about perfectionism.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Worthy

All too often, I hear from clients—kids and adults alike—about their deep desire to be perfect. The hope is simple but powerful: if I do everything right, I won’t fail. If I get it all right, I won’t have to feel shame or vulnerability. If I never make a mistake, no one will judge me. Perfection feels like a shield—an armor we can wear to protect ourselves from the unpredictable, the painful, the uncertain parts of life.

The way I see it, perfectionism isn’t about arrogance or control—it’s about protection. It’s a coping strategy, a well-intentioned effort to avoid the discomfort of vulnerability and hurt. Many of us were taught—directly or indirectly—that if we could just be good enough, perfect enough, we’d be safe. But over time, this striving starts to take a toll.

Perfectionism creates a black-and-white view of the world: you’re either good or bad, right or wrong, enough or not enough. There’s no room for the messy, complicated, beautifully imperfect experience of being human. When we think in absolutes, we start turning on ourselves. The inner critic gets louder, constantly reminding us of how we don’t measure up to this impossible standard. And when we inevitably fall short, as we all do, the disappointment cuts deep. We start to believe that we are the failure, not that the standard itself is unattainable.

I know this struggle personally. In my 20s, I tried so hard to get everything right—to be perfect in every way. I believed that if I just did everything “right,” I’d finally feel like I was enough. But what I found instead was exhaustion, anxiety, and an ever-present sense that I was still falling short. Because perfection doesn’t bring peace, it only creates more pressure.

The truth is: being human means making mistakes. It means feeling deeply—joy, sadness, anger, fear, love—and none of these emotions makes us broken or unworthy. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that certain feelings were “too much” or that being sensitive made us weak. So we learned to hide. We buried our anger, swallowed our sadness, and pretended we were okay even when we weren’t.

But what we repress doesn’t disappear—it builds. It surfaces as anxiety, burnout, disconnection, and self-doubt. The more we chase perfection, the further we drift from authenticity. And perfection, despite its promises, doesn’t actually give us the love, safety, or belonging we crave. Authenticity does. Being real—allowing ourselves to be seen in both our strength and our struggle—is what fosters true connection.

So, what if we stopped chasing perfection? What if we accepted that we’re enough simply because we exist, because we’re trying, because we care? Life is already hard enough—we don’t need to add the weight of impossible expectations on top of it. What we do need is compassion. We need to meet ourselves with kindness, to honor our efforts, and to remind ourselves that being human is messy—and that’s exactly what makes it meaningful.

You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love. You just have to be real.